So. There’s this girl. I really like her. We were introduced a long time ago by a mutual friend, as our sons were around the same age. Our families did things together here + there…basketball, Beach Days, etc. But in the middle of the pandemic, we moved closer to where they were at so we were seeing more of them. Even our kids had standing zoom meetings together every Friday night. It was nice!

I wanted to give her her due credit (cuz I always do that) because around the same time I was re-situating this Blog, she asked me on a Tea Date. She DM’d me a reel of this cool looking place and says: “Let’s go!” It was the middle of winter and I wasn’t really out + about yet. So we planned for spring. (okay, late winter haha)

“Are you gonna review it?”, she asked.

“IIII don’t knoww…”, I said, “it’s not English/Victorian tea… My Blog really focuses on tea like that.” But I figured- if the menu or website is highlighting, featuring, or offering -AFTERNOON TEA- then yall wanna know about it right?? Let’s do it! (winking) I got you guys.

So thank you to this girl (we don’t have a blog nickname for her yet), for kickstarting my going back to trying new tea places and writing about it, cuz- you guys are in for a new ride!! (more winking)

iChina Restaurant

2855 Stevens Creek Boulevard Santa Clara, CA 95050

http://www.ichinarestaurant.com

I thought I’d never heard of this place before. But looking for something on my Pinterest, I discovered that I had pinned this place to visit a long time ago!? Any pic or instagram post you see of this place makes it look like a night club!! It looks huge, high class, and like you have to make sure you have your lashes done, Prada dress, Dior shoes, and Fendi bag in tow. (just kidding I don’t know all the brands cuz I never wear them!? Do they even make Dior shoes?? Haha) But I WAS freaking out on what to wear cuz not only have I not really gone out out in the last 3 years…but, I felt like this place definitely had a “look” that you were supposed to follow. However, I will always be true to my comfy roots, so I just wore a black sweater dress, my knee-high boots, and my signature: baseball cap. This’ll do.

When we got there, it was so quiet. “Where’s the DJ?!” It looked like an airport or hotel lobby. And it was SMALL!! There was a door by this table we were walking towards, and my friend goes (she told me this later) “Is The Experience through here?” HAhahah. It looked nooothing like all the posts lead you to believe it does. While still catching up to our shock, we were kinda relieved that it wasn’t as hyped up as they want you to think it is. It has cool surroundings, fun things to look at…but don’t feel like you have to do it up in the Chanel. (there goes another brand name) I didn’t take tons of pictures of the interior. (1) I don’t want to take that element of surprise from you, for this Spot in particular. And (2) there really wasn’t much to take pictures of, in my opinion.

The menu was confusing to us. There’s a pastry offering, teas listed, then the dim sum is also additional. We thought we were going to pay like $150.00 each for this meal. When I confirmed with the server that we would both be getting the pastries, she looked a little nervous and then said something about having to check in the back first… WE THOUGHT we BOTH had to order the pastry offering which (and I don’t usually mention prices on here) was already $50, but she explained that it was a 2-person situation. Okay. Whew! So that was covered. Now for the teas… They offer 8 types. My friend wanted help with her selection. My first question is always: “Do you like fruity or creamy?” She said creamy. Okay, to the Blacks! They had 2 black teas, and I recommended the one with chocolate for her. I, on the other hand, immediately honed in on the word “lychee” and chose their oolong. Teas, done! Now for the dim sum… More to read. Another word was highlighted for me on their menu: LOTUS!!! Aaanytime that’s on a menu, I’m ordering it. Thankfully my friend wanted to try too. We also saw a duck + pumpkin something. And at first we were gonna get just that, but we opted for a platter that included it with two other things.

As soon as we placed our order, she was already back at our table. (think the butler in Mr. Deeds) Here she came with our teas. They couldn’t possibly be ready already!? She sets down 2 teapots with the infuser strainers full of wet leaves in a tiny saucer on the side, and then walks away. Had I not been The Tea Lady that I am- we wouldn’t know what to do with that!? (side eye) I had explained to my girl that she left that there for us so we could steep longer if we prefer. And good thing she did.

Mi Lan Xiang (Phoenix Oolong | Guangdong – lychee | honey | floral) – I copied what it says on the menu. I’m not gonna be much help here. Couldn’t taste the lychee, couldn’t taste the honey, couldn’t taste the floral. Couldn’t even taste the oolong! It definitely wasn’t steeped long enough. We put the basket back in the pot and left it there.

Jin Jun Mei (Black Te | Fujian – cacao nibs | floral | smoke) – Again, nothing to really write about here cuz there wasn’t any flavor!? They didn’t steep it enough, so we dropped that basket in that one back in too.

Here came the lotus and dim sum. So I don’t know what I was thinking…but I was NOT thinking that they were gonna come with ONE of each of the dim sum things!? I don’t know. You hear platter, you think: “platter” of chicken wings, “platter” of nachos, “platter” of potato wedges. I don’t think a PLATTER means 1 each of smaller than a palm-size of 3 different things.

Okay, so- this Lotus and Asparagus plate was wonderful. The base was a very basic Chinese flavor, but what made this dish was how each vegetable was cooked to perfection. Both had the right crunch and texture.

I really wiiiiiiiiiish I put something in the shot to show you how big (or how small) these were, for comparison. (same goes for the pastries that are coming up next) We had to cut these in half to try each of them.

Crispy Wagyu Puff (that black roly poly looking one) – Whyy oh whyyyy would you make a FOOD that looks like a roly poly thooo!!?! (in my whiny voice) Like, are you trying to be funny? (I LOL’d) It didn’t look appealing AT ALL. But I still tried it. It was slightly sweetened, tasted like lap chiong (Chinese sausage). The pastry was light + fluffy, not too salty.

Bbq Berkshire Pork Bun (the one in the middle, with the decoration on top) – This one was intriguing. The pastry was sweet (again), a little chewy, a little gritty…I really liked that texture. Couldn’t even remember anything about the filling.

Roasted Duck & Pumpkin Dumpling (the cutie one that looks like a pumpkin) – Kinda bland, but the mochi pastry was fun! Tho, the filling was kinda gooey. It reminded me of innards, like ear or something. And it gave an aftertaste, and not a good one.

*Let me interrupt this food portion to say that the 2nd pours of the tea for me weren’t any better. Even after a longer steep, there was NO flavor whatsoever. Either it was really low-quality tea, or they didn’t have good temperature to start with. My friend ordered their Jasmine as well (Dragon Pearl Jasmine Green), and again: nothing. Very fragrant, but didn’t transfer in the tea. I thought it tasted like bath soaps. She said it was “just like hot water with a little bit of jasmine flavor.” The more I thought of it- what a WASTE of good tea if they don’t know how to properly steep it and serve it to their guests! Sorry Red Blossom Tea Company…

Now for this tower that they’re known for.

It’s not that exquisite in real life. I don’t know if they put glitter filters on those reels, but my son in fact said he thought this looked like it was from the Dollar Store haha! There’s 10 items on this thing, and I have notes for all of them. I’m trying to figure what’s the best way to share cuz I’ve been writing for some time now, and I just don’t have the energy guyyys!! I took pictures of each of them. Thankful I had my awesome sidekick/Assistant with me cuz we made a good team! I kept one plate clean, and saved it for my photo shoot backdrop ha! Mind you, we had to once again cut these in half in order for each of us to try them. They’re like half a palm size.

Plain Scone – Very fluffy + doughy. Had more cream than preserves, I didn’t like that ratio. Mild flavor, eh.

Raisin Scone – Same as above. But with raisins.

Pineapple Calamansi – This one I liked. It was very refreshing and had little chunks of pineapple in it. The cream had a nice texture and the pastry had a good crunch.

Jasmine Peach Macaron – So this said jasmine peach, buut doesn’t it look like chocolate to you guys? It sure tasted like chocolate. And no jasmine or peach to be found. Whatever flavor it was, it was a good macaron. Textbook chewy shell, smooth filling. What’s not to like? Resemblant of a snickers to me.

Tea Bread (citrusy madeleine) – This was labled as “tea bread” on their menu, but clearly was a madeleine. This tasted like the smell of your auntie’s house, like laundry detergent or something. Also, moist.

Tea Bread (raspberry madeleine) – Niice crispy edges! But again, nothing spectacular. Another baker friend of mine has been making us madeleines from scratch for years, and hers tastes waay better.

Raspberry Rose Lychee – This one was very pungent. In my notes I wrote ‘taste like when you first walk into a nice area thrift store’. Haha. (shrugging emoji) Pastry was super crunchy. My friend said it was “bitter”.

Malted Milk Chocolate Rice – (I think, I wasn’t really paying attention when she said what each thing was!) Either way, this one was good! Rich, had a good mouthfeel.

Salted Cashew Choux – Whatever this was, it was yummy! It had an airy crumbly outside, and deflated inside. Nice chew, nice salt. I really liked the texture and crunch. (if you don’t remember from previous posts, I’m a textures girl!)

Black Sesame Yuzu – (I think, this one is the other one we weren’t sure about) This tasted like a ferrero rochet but bland.

Yay! (sighhh) We made it! I think that’s how we felt as we were trying these too. Not that we were full, but it was just a lot to try. And nothing really stood out to me. I liked that citrus tart. And the raspberry and chocolate ones, I took bites of those together. I was like Remy from Ratatouille! To me, that says a lot about your meal if I had to mix 2 things together in order to make something taste good. (meh emoji) It’s really hard for me to accept that this place had Michelin-star chefs. Everything was rather bland! And don’t let me get started on the tea again. Oh. Yeah. About that tea…

I saved this part for last, cuz well- it’s DISGUSTING. Look first, and then we’ll talk. And no, I’m not gonna shrink the photo size cuz I think the world needs to know about this:

Do you see what I see? There’s a difference between STAINED and FILTHY (other synonyms: unclean, foul, nasty, unsanitary, unhygienic). These are pictures from ALL THREE teapots they served us with. That means, this spout is on ALL of them. How do Michelin chefs serve stuff in this?? I know the difference mmkay! I have thrifted and borrowed teapots before. You CAN clean this off!! There is no good reason you should be serving tea in teapots that look like this. NONE. I fully intend to speak with their management team there (no, I’m not Karen’ing) to let them know that this is not okay! They need to know that this is how they are serving tea. YOU need to know that this is how they are serving tea!

[UPDATE – On March 6, the Assistant General Manager replied to my email and thanked me for my feedback + photos. He assured me that they purchased the equipment needed to clean and sanitize all of their teaware, and that their staff has since been trained and instructed on how to clean after every usage. Then, sincerely apologized. If this knowledge helps you…]

Despite the mediocre food and pleasantly surprised-ness of the chill vibe in there, I had a blast with my new friend! She made this tea stop so much fun, we made our own Experience mmkaay!! Ha! Should you go there? I wouldn’t. We didn’t pay $150.00 each, but I wouldn’t wanna pay even $50.00 each for the food + tea we had that day. To be fair, like her + I discussed, they are not a Tea House or Tea Room. They offer Afternoon Tea, BUT the dim sum is really their focus. Not the tea, not the pastries. If you are offering Afternoon Tea, it shouldn’t be less quality than your main focus. To my loyal + lovely Readers, save your money and visit any of the other Top 5-10 Tea Spots I have listed in my raTEAngs.

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